Behind: Don't Say

 

Welp, friends.  I managed to write and record a new song this past weekend.  If you've been following my posts, this is the song I started writing in my car to try and challenge myself.

This was pretty fun to write and record.  I had first envisioned it to be more quirky and less gypsy, but when I picked up my violin to try a few parts, it ended up sounding more like Scene de Berio meets Zigeunerweisen (staple violin showpieces).  There are actually 11 separate violin tracks, but it probably doesn't sound like it to you.  The pizzicato at the beginning (plucking) is actually comprised of six different parts, mostly for harmony and texture.  Throughout the song I have a few layers, but brought them down in the mix because again, they're mostly there for texture.  Musically it's all based on A Harmonic Minor to give it that gypsy feel and I don't really abandon that.  The violin solo after the second verse is purposefully supposed to be more flashy than any other solo I've done thus far.  And it'll probably make more sense once I explain the lyrical inspiration.  

I've been wanting to write a song about a feeling I've had for a while.  I wasn't quite sure how to put it into a phrase of words until I remembered that book, "All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten" and laughed because it was so utterly true. 

If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

Kaaaa-blam.   We have all said not-so-nice things to others and we have all had not-so-nice things said to us.  So really this is a song dedicated to everyone, I guess.   But here's the real story...

So you probably all know by this point that I'm a teacher.  I really do enjoy it and I'm glad that it never really feels like a job.  The kids are great (most of the time) and crack me up (most of the time) and it can be really gratifying (...most of the time).  If you talk to any other private or public teacher for that matter, one of the complaints you probably hear is communicating with parents.  Now don't get me wrong, most of the parents I do business with are absolutely wonderful.  I have encountered the most caring and respectful people through teaching their kids.  Every now and then, though, I get a few parents who like to tell me how I should teach.  I get parents who talk down to me because of my age and assume I cannot play because I'm merely a teacher.  This.  Drives.  Me.  Crazy.  I probably won't ever speak up for myself until I've dealt with this for many years (I'm a coward), but hells yes, you better believe I'm going to write a song about it! 

I already feel small in this world and I don't like it when people make me feel smaller.  So this is how I planned to retaliate: a passive, carnival-sounding song with a showy solo section to prove that I can play something other than Ode to Joy and The (freaking) Happy Farmer.  I have great tactics, obviously. 

Hope you enjoy it!  As always, please share my music if you like it.  Many of you follow me quietly which I appreciate and am flattered by, but if you want to be a part of this musical project and help...please share, share, share!  :)

xo.

Don't Say 

You think you know more than me

My dear won't you show me what I'm doing wrong?

You think you are better than me

Then please tell me what you've been holding inside.

I guess you never learned

The easiest rule of all

If you don't have anything nice to say

Then don't say anything at all.

Save me the lecture today

You're nice, but I don't think I'll take your advice

Quick to tell me your feelings

Over and over you drown me in them.

I guess you never learned

The easiest rule of all

If you don't have anything nice to say

Then don't say anything at all.

If you are not happy then why are you giving me countless opportunities?

If you are not pleased with me feel free to leave and spare me from your fake tragedies.

I guess you never learned

The easiest rule of all

If you don't have anything nice to say

Then don't say anything at all

If you don't have anything nice to say

Then don't say anything at all.

Behind: Blue Skies

 

This is my most recent song...written only a few weeks ago.  It had been almost a year (yikes!) since the last song.  I've written a few in between, but nothing really of substance.  

Blue Skies is a song that already exists and I'm sure you've heard it before.  If not, listen to it here.  I've found that I like to reference other songs in my songs and I don't know if it comes off as clever or cliche.  Opinions?  I like being original and creating new music, but I also like sewing it together with phrases or ideas people are already familiar with.  If I could, I'd want to be present for every A ha! moment.  The moment people realize that what they're hearing is actually from something else.  Classical composers do it all the time.  Why can't I?

One two three four five One two three four five One two three four five.

So I learned that it was really difficult for me to play in five...on piano...while singing.  I've had my share of not-even-fair time signature changes from varied orchestral experiences, but this was a whole new playing field.  I didn't want to stay in five the whole time, so I added an extra beat to make a happy, even six by the time the pre-chorus rolls around.

Musically, nothing too extravagant happens.  I had some difficulties figuring out what I wanted to do during the solo section, so I opted to just quote the original blue skies to preface the vocal line and create a running scalar pattern underneath to give it some motion.  The harmonies are pretty straightforward - the one you probably hear most clearly is a higher harmony...something I don't always do.  Generally I like to sing harmonies that are lower than the melody, but the range of the song and the chord voicing made it more difficult to stack lower harmonies, so I built my snowman with the bottom on top instead.

As far as the content goes, I wrote this song as sort of a wake-up call to people.  In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a white picket fence kind of girl.  At least not yet.  Maybe down the road I'll be one, but definitely not now.  The phrase blue skies is supposed to represent the American dream that everyone chases so desperately.  And it's not a bad thing if you want that, but the song is supposed to address the concern of not thinking and/or pursuing what you really want.  We have all been taught to crave blue skies, but what happens when you get it?  What happens if you don't?

I spent last night in the company of some great musicians.  I'm excited to be collaborating again and hearing other people's music.  It's refreshing.  Here's a little shot I took last night of our loved ones:

This wraps up my last "Behind" post...that is, until I write a new song :) I have an idea I've been working on in my car.  I've been trying to challenge myself to write and think about harmony and chord changes while away from an instrument.  Audiate, as they say.  I have a general idea so I'm going to the piano today to give it some structure.  It will be a different song for me...think Ingrid Michaelson and Elizabeth and the Catapult-esque (Thanks Steve - totally hooked on Eliz. now).  Expect some video postings this weekend.

Stay warm!  I have heat!  I am no longer an eskimo.  Just a regular Asian.


xo.


Blue Skies

Think you know the truth
But all you know is what you're told
Think you know the way
But you don't know which way to go

Like a ship that's been wrecked at land
A captain lost his sea

You say there's no better way
Than counting numbers and figures
And adding it all away
Your life is at stake
Will you abandon the calling of blue skies?

Trade your soul for gold
Before you know it's all been sold
Hope for something more
But you build your fence around your home

Like a ship that's been wrecked at land
A captain lost his sea

You say there's no better way
Than counting numbers and figures
And adding it all away
Your life is at stake
Will you abandon the calling of blue skies?

Blue skies smiling at me
Blue skies calling to me

You say there's no better way
Than counting numbers and figures
And adding it all away
Your life is at stake
Will you abandon the calling of blue skies?

Behind: Like You

Hello my friends.  Yes, it's cold out.  It's also cold inside.  My house is currently at a pleasant 42 degrees.  Never get oil heat.

Like You was written last December and it's blatantly obvious that it's a song about love, so there's not much to explain.  It could use some reworking as there is a lot of musical/lyrical repetition.  Listening to it now I realize that it's a bit on the slow side as well.  I don't think it's the same style as my other songs and, really, the last two songs I wrote (Like You and Blue Skies) don't quite fit in with the same genre as my other ones.  But I think that's just me trying to find my "sound" as they say. 

Lyrics are below.  I'll be posting a video soon for the question project. 

Excited to be spending tonight collaborating with some talented musicians :)

Stay warm!


xo

Like You

I am scared by the things you say to me
I am scared by the way you look at me
Don't you see what you do to me?

I have been here once before
But I don't know what to expect anymore
Can't you see what you do to me?

There is no one like you
That can make me feel the way I do
There is no one like you
Who can tell me that you love me
The way you do.

You have a way of turning silence into gold
The most beautiful soul
I have ever known, that I have ever had


There is no one like you
That can make me feel the way I do
There is no one like you
Who can tell me that you love me
The way you do.

I can't help thinking about
All the broken plans I had
But then you hold me and it all goes away


There is no one like you
That can make me feel the way I do
There is no one like you
Who can tell me that you love me
The way you do.

Behind: Forgotten Me

  

"Forgotten Me" is a simple little diddly I wrote last October.  I like referring to it as that: simple little diddly.  

It's nothing extravagant, just acoustic guitar and a single vocal line.  I don't think I'd want it to be much more, honestly.  I like the thin nature of the song.  It's meant to be raw and intimate. 

There's not much to talk about musically, really.  Like I said, it's simple.  In regards to the form, it's just a verse, pre-chorus, chorus...and then it repeats.  I could add a second verse, but I kind of like it essentially being two long stanzas; it just seems fitting.  Maybe it could be one of those hidden tracks at the end of an album, ha. 

Subject wise, I wrote it one day when I realized I was no longer a kid.  You know, one of those moments when you realize that running out of Cinnamon Toast Crunch was no longer the biggest disappointment of your day.  (Although, let's be real.  That's still a travesty.)  Ultimately though, I guess it's supposed to sum up the feeling of being overwhelmed with the realities of growing up and trying to find your way back to innocence and goodness.  'Cause we all know that growing up sucks and we would all much rather climb trees, build forts, and play in the dirt.  Or is that just me?

If you're denying this, then you're all liars.  And officially uninvited to all my future birthday parties. 

:)  Lyrics to follow...

xo.

"Little Innocence"

Little innocence

How do you see the world?

I'm curious again.

Little innocence

How do you see the world?

Is it good, is it safe for me?

Somewhere along the way

I lost you

Somewhere along the way

I found something new

Can you feel this?

The ocean crashing over you

Can you feel this?

Someone's watching over you

Or have you forgotten me?

Behind: Dawn Will Break

So dove chocolate inspired this song.

Haha, no I'm completely serious.


I wrote "Dawn Will Break" last August after getting tired of writing on piano.  I've found that I can write songs fairly easily, but I have difficulty figuring out what to write a song about.  This bothers me because I don't really like starting a song without having a vision.  It's equatable to cooking.  I know what ingredients are agreeable and which ones will complement each other, but I don't know which ones I'm going to use until I have something in mind to make.  I'll touch a bit more on this for my next post, "Method of Writing"...

So I was having trouble feeling inspired emotionally when I decided to have some chocolate lying around.  Upon opening it up, I realized it had a little quote on the inside of the wrapper.

It read, "However long the night, the dawn will break." - African Proverb

I thought it would be a good basis for a song and voila!  "Dawn Will Break" came to be.  Just like the proverb, the song is about hope, reassurance, and perseverance.  It acts as a letter to someone close to me who had been struggling with the chaos of life.

So that's my song inspired by chocolate.  Thank you, Dove!  It's just acoustic guitar, violin, and vocals.  Fairly thin texture all around.  I haven't really thought about what other instrumentation I'd like to add quite yet, but I think that's far down the road.

Enjoy!  I'm currently sick at home so I'll be working on the next post shortly while I have the time.  Don't forget to keep posting questions for my upcoming video project.  Find out more details here.  Thanks to everyone who has already submitted one!

xo.



Dawn Will Break

Cast your fears aside and let them go
They're weighing you down
They're weighing you down

And open up your eyes and see the world
It's a beautiful place
Not as scary as it seems

Take my hand, come what may
I understand

Don't you worry baby
Can't you see?
The dawn will break, the dawn will break
Don't you worry baby
I'll be by your side
To see tomorrow's sunrise

I know you need some time for yourself
But just so you know
You don't have to face it alone

So I'll pray for a little rain
To flood these streets of yours and
Wash it all away


Take my hand, come what may
I understand

Don't you worry baby
Can't you see?
The dawn will break, the dawn will break
Don't you worry baby
I'll be by your side
To see tomorrow's sunrise

Behind: Time

Thank you all for subscribing and liking and following!  :)  You all rock. 


So I went to a dubstep show last night.  My legs are so sore and my left ear is still ringing, but man...it was a lot of fun.  I love experiencing different genres of music and seeing how people react to them.  And it's also interesting to see what type of people are drawn to certain genres.  It makes me wonder who will be drawn to my music.  Probably not the dub-steppers, though.  I can't say furry hats and neon clothing come to mind when I'm writing my music.

 

Time.  Let me talk about the background first then I'll talk a bit about the song structure.  This song is essentially a letter to someone who passed away; a person whom I knew my entire life, but didn't really know.  It was one of those situations where you were granted time to say your farewells and make reconciliations.  It was also a situation where time was nothing more than grains of sand in an hourglass leaving you to think about all the things that should have been.  I guess it's difficult to really explain the song and exactly how it came to be, but ultimately it's about a relationship with somebody that should have been warm, kind, and loving...and instead it was poisoned by selfishness and resentment.  And in the end none of it mattered because time defeated us all.  Yay time!  Okay, that wasn't an appropriate time to cheer.  I know.

As far as my actual songwriting goes for this tune, I incorporated some more harmonics at the beginning.  I don't know - I really love harmonics.  I find them haunting.  There's just enough air in the tone.  The harmonies on this song are way too loud - sorry about that.  It actually took me a few videos to figure out how to adjust the volume on tracks.  I thought I was doing it, but really I was adjusting the playback volume, haha.  Whoops!  Clearly...I am an idiot.  

I didn't write a bridge for this song.  Mostly because I intentionally want it to feel somewhat unfinished.  I also chose to change the last chord to major, but slipped in a flat 7 for the harmonic so it would done, but blemished, if you will.  I think the voicing and instrumentation gives it more tension as well.  I use 7 chords all the time, but they never sound that "tense" so it must just be the contrast of instruments and range difference. 

I think I wrote this song as more of a therapeutic letter.  I can't say I really 'like' this song or see it becoming a favorite, but it helped me formulate my ideas and feelings; it forced me to stop harboring them.  

Anyhow, that is all for today!  Hopefully going to finish my King of Anything cover tomorrow so be on the lookout for a post either tomorrow night or Monday morning!  Now it's time to get my purple on.  GO RAVENS! :)

xo.  Happy weekend, friends. 

"Time"

Do you ever wonder

How you'll be remembered

Do you ever worry

That you missed everything

I should know you better than I do

I don't know is it shame on me

Or shame on you?

And now you're almost out of...

Time's the only thing that'll tell

Time's the only thing that'll help

Wouldn't you like to know

Wouldn't you like to let go

All these tragic pieces

Of a tainted memory

Such a sad story in your eyes

Are you proud of the things that you've done?

Do you really think that you've won?

And now you're almost out of...

Time's the only thing that'll tell

Time's the only thing that'll help

Wouldn't you like to know

Wouldn't you like to let go

Behind: Little Puppet Girl

Well, back on the 'boy-inspired-songs train'.  

Don't you worry - I plan to have an entire post about my infatuation with Sara Bareilles.  Just you wait.

I'm trying to go in order of my actual songwriting so you can see not only the natural progression of my songwriting, but also understand the emotional progression.  It's not that I want you to know every personal detail of my life, but I think one of the things that's missing in today's music is just that.  Music is beginning to lack that sense of progression.  Obviously, not all music - I'm generalizing.  But there's so much emphasis on singles and buying individual songs.  Albums don't seem like albums anymore.  I mean, I get it...I do.  But I'd hope that my music could be representative of a moment in history, collective feelings that morph and change into other feelings, experiences that lead to other experiences and thus music that matures into other music.  Not just songs about shaking your booty and throwing your hands up in the air.  (Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of rocking out to those songs...honestly, who hasn't?)  

Okay, okay, focus Nikia.  

Little Puppet Girl was written in July of 2011, about a year after a break-up.  So, I think you all know what's coming...

This is a song about a boy.  More accurately, it's a song about feeling like you're not good enough or capable enough to be your own person.  By now you probably have a general idea of who I am and what I do.  It's a somewhat different life than most people.  I work late-afternoon/evenings and spend my free time doing, well, this.  I almost feel guilty saying this, but I don't even have a resumé printed up.  I write my own schedule, I manage my finances, I'm my own secretary and boss.  It's not the best security, definitely not a great 'salary', but it's my life and this is what I want to do right now ( I feel like I should be stomping my foot down as I say this).  I'm happy doing it.  That's kind of my demeanor for everything else in my life.  I'm not trying to exert a control-freak persona and I'm certainly not trying to be reckless, but I just like doing things my own way.  In my own way, rather.  And I don't need my guy to doubt what I'm doing or who I am.  There will be plenty of people who do that already in this world.  I'm perfectly capable of taking orders and completing tasks, but not at the expense of losing meaning or value or creativity.  I guess that's ultimately what I'm getting at.  I need to feel like I'm being creative in order to feel satisfied with my life.  And that's just how it is.  That's just how I am.    

All this to say...when you put a dreamer in a relationship with a severe realist, mmm...things don't pan out.  And maybe a balance can be found, but let's just say I never found the balance.  Despite the amount and effort of pedaling, my bike just never hit the road. 

So I guess if I were to narrow the song meaning down to three general ideas it'd be:

-The incapability of being your own person.
-Not being on the same page as your significant other.
-Just uh, pissed off.

Pretty straight-forward song.  I plan to re-record a better version sometime soon.  

The moral of this story:  Don't piss me off or else I might write a song about you.  

xo.


"Little Puppet Girl"


You tell me walk this way
You tell me what to say
I won't be your little puppet girl
I am cutting loose of your restrain

You move your hand and I move mine
You take a step and I'm a step behind
You twist my neck you pull me 'round and 'round

You hold me down
No more, I'm done

You never really cared why the sky's so blue
You never saw the world the way I do
And baby that's fine, but now's the time for you to 
Take your strings and leave

You said you'd let me try
You said I'll have my turn
I am tired of waiting
For you to come around and keep your word

You hold me down

No more, I'm done

You never really cared why the sky's so blue

You never saw the world the way I do

And baby that's fine, but now's the time for you to 

Take your strings and leave

For so long I played your little game
All the rules and all the shame
All the bets are off
I threw away my hand

You never really cared why the sky's so blue

You never saw the world the way I do

And baby that's fine, but now's the time for you to 

Take your strings and leave

Behind: Carousel

 

Carousels make me sick.  Metaphorically and literally.  I don't like the idea of going around and around and not getting anywhere.  I equate them to those awful dreams you have when you're being chased by something horrific and your legs are suddenly attached to buckets of water.  Running through quick sand.  Yeah...game over, son.  

Also...I just don't really like going in circles.  That's not normal.

Oh hello, btw, dear dedicated reader of my blog.  How are you?   :)

I've decided to label these postings as "Behind: ___(insert song name here)____".  Don't worry, I won't spend every post talking about what my songs are about or how they came to be.  I know you're not all idiots.  I realize you are perfectly capable of figuring out what my songs are about.  This is just to warm you up.  I promise I will have other posts.  But since we're still just getting to know each other, I figure this is the best way to become acquainted.  (I take that back.  You're learning a lot about me, but I have no idea who you are, or maybe I do.  Either way this seems unfair.  I'll have to brainstorm about fixing that issue...)

Carousel.  I wrote Carousel in July, probably about a week after The Seams.  Alert, alert!  This song is NOT about a boy.  Phew.  Broke that streak, finally.  For those of you who do not know, I teach violin privately.  I currently have around thirty students in my studio.  I've worked hard to build up my studio the past two years and I've honestly wanted to teach for as long as I can remember.  Maybe one day I'll have a post dedicated to all my past teachers, but for now...just realize that my teachers were/are very dear to me.  Now that I am a teacher, myself, I realize how fast children grow.  One of my favorite things about teaching is seeing kids mature and watching them understand and discover and crave greatness.  It's a really satisfying feeling to know that you're a part of that process as a teacher.  On the other hand, sometimes my job is to act more like a counselor.  I have kids who come into my studio and tell me how their fellow students say he/she is stupid and treat them "like dirt".  I have kids who deal with really difficult and painful home situations.  It can be heartbreaking at times to know that you can't change their situation and you can't necessarily 'fix' them.  The most you can do is show them love and hopefully give them the capability of creating something they can be proud of, something they can pursue that is good and beautiful and rewarding.  Kids grow so fast, but what's more troubling is how early some kids have to grow up.  That's really what my song is about.   The dizzy feeling I get when I hear stories about kids having to defeat impossible and invisible monsters, climbing mountains that never seem to peak.  

There's my emotional contribution of Behind: Carousel.

What's behind the actual music?  I guess the song is technically in 12/8.  I just spent the last five minutes debating whether it was 6/8 or 12/8, but I'm going to go with 12/8.  Not like it really matters from my end.  What matters most is the consistent subdivision of eighths.  Sorry, some of you have no idea what I'm talking about.  For those of you who are nodding your head thinking 'yes, that's me!'...try this:

Say "piz-za" four times in a row:  Piz-za, Piz-za, Piz-za, Piz-za

Now say "pine-ap-ple" four times:    Pine-ap-ple, Pine-ap-ple, Pine-ap-ple, Pine-ap-ple

 That's the difference.  Two vs. Three.  Syllables = Subdivisions of beats.  I basically chose to accentuate three rather than two because it naturally has a circular feel.  It's just hidden underneath bigger, stronger beats.  I hope that makes sense to you and I hope you can hear it now that I explained it.  I would've used numbers to represent the rhythm, but most likely you would've added space after the third beat without realizing it which would have defeated the whole purpose of this exercise.  My students always laugh at me when I tell them that I love food so much that I just have to incorporate it into music somehow.

I guess the only other interesting thing musically is that at the end of the bridge, I used some suspensions in the harmonies to create that tension-release feeling we are all so familiar with.  Eventually I'd like it to be a thicker texture, but I'm only one person and after doing three or four sets of harmonies I get tired.  And bored.  Mostly impatient.  But I do proudly admit that I love suspensions.  I don't care how cheesy they may be...I love them.  (Thank you, Barber.  Do any of you get this reference?  Name that piece!) My boyfriend laughs at me whenever I talk about suspensions...
  "I love suspensions."  
  "I know you do."
   "Oh."

That's usually how that conversation goes.  Oh yeah, and in case you don't know...my boyfriend is a musician as well.  He plays circles around me on the piano and has his own songwriting project that he's pursuing.  I'll have to post about his music at some point...

Eventually I'd like the last chorus to be more...busy.  Chaotic.  But a pleasant chaotic.  Have you guys ever seen a film where (the only example I can think of is at the end of The Illusionist) there's a big twist and while you and the character are simultaneously figuring out just how that twist came to be, the music is swirling, and many times the camera angle moves in a circular fashion so that you literally feel like you're spinning?  I'd like to replicate that feeling, but in my music.  I think I need many more string/key/vocal tracks to accomplish it, but that's my vision for the song.   Ultimately, I'd like listeners to feel like they are in a bubble and everything around them is moving freely but constantly, like the eye of a mini tornado.  My analogies are getting out of hand.  Now all I can think about is the movie Forces of Nature.  So many references for one post.


Anyhow.  There's some background about Carousel.  I hope you like it  :)  As always, I will post the lyrics below.  Happy Tuesday!

xo


"Carousel"

Little boy said to me,
"Will you hold my hand?
I am lost, I am scared
They tell me to be a man."

And the world turns

And around the carousel spins
Nobody sees the boy in the corner
Who tries hard to fit in
'Till there's nothing left
Nothing left of him.

Little girl said to me,
"Will you braid my hair?
I am not as pretty
As the girls I see everywhere."

And the world turns

And around the carousel spins.
Nobody sees the girl in the mirror
Who tries hard to fit in
'Till there's nothing left
Nothing left of her.

Will there ever come a day when we just see?

And around the carousel spins
Nobody sees the boy in the corner
Who tries hard to fit in
'Till there's nothing left
There's nothing left...

And around the carousel spins
Nobody sees the girl in the mirror
Who tries hard to fit in
'Till there's nothing left
There's nothing left of her.

 

Behind: The Seams

Hello again, dear friends.

Thanks for coming back :)

Today I'd like to talk to you about the third song I wrote and presented on the book.  I'm going to skip the second song (Idle Barricade) because I don't see it as a great good decent song.  It's long and repetitive and could use some work, so I'll *86 the discussion on that for now.

As you already know, my first public song was written in April.  The song I'm about to talk to you about today was written in June...about a month after I found myself in a new relationship.

"The Seams"

If you are a friend/fan/follower/subscriber/liker/etc., you've probably heard this song.  I tried to blast it out as obnoxiously as possible about two months ago because I submitted it for a competition and needed some more exposure.  This is probably my favorite song that I've written.  I think.  I tend to treat my songs like my books; I always favor the last one I've read.  Similarly, I tend to favor my most recent songs.  This one, however, tends to stay close to my heart.

(I'm realizing how much you will all learn about my love life because of these songs.  That's not intimidating or embarrassing at all...)

So again.  I wrote this song about a boy.  (My first album should be called, "About a Boy".  Too bad that's already a movie title.)  In this case, however, maybe the subject or theme is not so much about a boy, but rather my insecurities of being in a new relationship.   I think the phrase, "Say you'll never leave," sums up the amount of insecurity I felt.  My lyrics are straight-forward and simple.  Sadly, I don't take enough time to craft them or refine them, really, but I must admit that I don't necessarily want my lyrics to be anything more than what they have to be.  I support simplicity and I'd like to present my lyrics in the same way.  I love Coldplay for this reason.  Their music is atmospheric, simple, but emotional.  I guess I try to use the same ingredients in my own.  For now, at least.  Maybe that will change in the future.

I've re-worked this song a little bit since I first wrote it, mostly just giving it more structure and a better solo section.  I also need to spend more time on my solo writing.  I literally just play whatever until something sounds decent and so I keep it.  (I'm an impatient songwriter.) Again, I need to learn the art of experimentation and purpose, not just convenience and mediocrity.  Getting off topic...

I've often been criticized for wearing my heart on my sleeve.  I have to confess that I've always been the first to drop the I love You bomb, so maybe that's why.  Anyhow...here are my lyrics:

"The Seams"

I knew what I wanted

But then you came along

You changed what I wanted

And now I'm lost

Won't you save me, maybe?

And say you'll never leave

Cause my heart's been on my sleeve

I don't have anymore to give

I'm tired of them breaking at the seams.

There's no way of knowing

How good or bad this will be

But somehow I know this is

Where I should be

Won't you save me, maybe?

And say you'll never leave

Cause my heart's been on my sleeve

I don't have anymore to give

I'm tired of them breaking at the seams.

In the beginning...there was a fool. And that fool was me.

Hi.  Welcome to my new blog!


I decided to create this blog with the intention of sharing my music and explaining how I go about writing, recording, etc.  I plan to talk about the inspiration for my songs, post lyrics (I know it's hard to hear them on my videos), and hopefully inspire you to create something beautiful too. 

I figured I'd spend the first post talking about the very first song I shared with the general public (...still remember the feeling of panic as I hit the 'Post' button on Facebook...).  But before I go into too much detail, I guess I should explain my pre-Facebook music.

I began writing songs on the piano back in high school (This is a lie.  I once wrote a song on my violin when I was a kid because I was too poor and didn't have money to buy my brother a birthday gift.  So instead I wrote and recorded a birthday song for him.  Innovation or desperation?)  My first few songs were about my friends, songs about love, songs about my insecurities.  In that realm, I guess nothing has really changed, although I'd like to believe that my songs don't suck anymore.  Hopefully.  The first 5-10 songs I wrote were pretty terrible, but I had to start somewhere.  If you don't believe me, I literally had a song where I referenced the lyrics from "Twinkle, Twinkle" (cue laughing now).  I made a poor attempt to elegantly turn it into a lullaby of sorts, but I failed miserably.  I'll probably just leave that behind and pretend it never happened.  Once I got to college I got a guitar for Christmas and began writing songs on that.  For any fellow musicians out there, you'll probably relate to this: One challenge I have when writing songs on piano is that I fall into patterns: musical patterns, finger patterns, chord patterns, rhythmic patterns, so much that I don't feel like I'm actively writing.  I found that when I picked up a guitar, I had no idea what the hell I was doing and therefore the idea of experimentation was finally unveiled.  I was free of ruts and had to rely on my ear and personal taste as opposed to years of being told, "this chord goes to this chord and you use this inversion and this set of fingers and if you don't do it this way the world will blow up and everyone will die".  Okay, yeah...that's an exaggeration, but you get my point.

I probably wrote about 5-6 songs on the guitar that actually began to sound like songs.  I had built up a little bit of confidence and began sharing them with close friends via AIM (throwback!) to get some feedback.  (Thank you Angela Gan, Kristen LaPorte, Steve Scher, Geoff Geis, Annmarie Beacham Warner, and Dan Gempesaw).  A few of these can be found on 'the book' and eventually I'll post a few of these early songs on here.  One of them includes a setting of e.e. cumming's I Carry Your Heart With Me.  Alas, another day.

I think that's enough history for now.

 My first song.
"Fool of Me" written April 28th, 2011. 
The next sentence I'm about to say is going to be riveting and mind-blowing:

So I wrote this song about a boy.  Ah, the shock you must feel.  In a nutshell, I think we have all experienced the feeling of being led on in some manner.  It sucks.  It really sucks.  Coming out of a four-year-long  failed relationship, I had the misconception that I was ready to dive into another one right away.  I'm thankful I didn't...for many reasons, but for the sake of this story...let me just say that it sparked my first interest in not only writing, but sharing...with you know, a lot of people...aka Facebook.  My parents had recently received a Mac from their friends and I was eager to try out garage band because I'd seen so many of my friends use it.  Well, that was a disaster.  To this day, I have no freaking idea how to navigate garage band - I do not understand.  So instead I downloaded Audacity and have been using that ever since.

In another post, I'll explain my method of writing, but I guess it's pretty obvious that I start with a base and then layer tracks on top of tracks.  So I just started writing a song on the piano, added a vocal line and lyrics, added harmonies, violin, and bam!  I suddenly had a song that incorporated everything I was too scared to say or too afraid to feel.  I remember talking to my best friend, Ang, about the song before I posted it.  She shared some words of encouragement and urged me to post it...so I mustered up some courage and finally did.  And then people started liking it and commenting on it, calling my music "beautiful" and "gorgeous" and I think that's when I realized that my music could mean something, not only to me, but to others as well.

So to end this first post, I'll include the video of my original song, "Fool of Me", along with the lyrics.   Thanks so much for reading and being a part of this.  All of you are an inspiration to me.  I hope my music can inspire you in return.

xo.
Nikia





"Fool of Me" - Nikia Sayre

I know you want more recognition
And I know someday you will find it.
But I can't wait here any longer
I'm no stronger anyway.

I know you never asked me to stay
But I kept hoping things were gonna' change
Now I know for good, I take it back
Cause it hurts so bad.

I gave you everything and I got nothing
You stole a piece of me and now I'm empty
You really made a fool of me.

Of all the things I wanna' say to you
I'll keep my thoughts to myself this time
I gave you all my words, my truths, my fears.


I gave you everything and I got nothing
You stole a piece of me and now I'm empty
You really made a fool of me.

I don't need you, need you anymore
You can't have me, have me anymore
You can't hurt me, hurt me anymore.

I could've loved you
I could've loved you...